There’s a peculiar weight to family estrangement that only those who’ve lived it truly understand. It’s not just the decision itself—it’s the countless mini-decisions that follow. The birthday cards you don’t send. The Christmas invitations you decline. The hospital updates you hear through the grapevine.
But here’s what’s important to remember: if you’re reading this and questioning your decision, you’ve likely spent years trying everything else first. People who choose to go no contact don’t do so lightly—they do so because they’ve exhausted every other option.
Society loves to remind us that “family is forever” and “you only get one mother/father.” These well-worn phrases become emotional grenades when you’re considering cutting contact. But let’s flip the script: if these relationships were happening in any other context—a friendship, a romantic partnership, a workplace—would anyone question your decision to leave?
Every family gathering you skip becomes a social minefield. Well-meaning friends and relatives turn into amateur mediators: “But they’re getting older now” or “They did the best they could.” What these people fail to understand is that you’ve already spent years—perhaps decades—trying to make it work. Your decision isn’t a knee-jerk reaction; it’s a carefully considered act of self-preservation.
What makes this journey particularly challenging is the endless loop of questioning. You might wake up some days feeling strong in your decision, only to see a parent and child having a lovely moment in a café, and suddenly you’re spiralling into doubt. But remember this: that café scene is exactly what you deserved and never got. Your pain is valid precisely because you understand what healthy parent-child relationships should look like.
Yes, when you cut contact with a parent, you often lose some things—extended family might take sides, childhood photos become inaccessible, family traditions slip away. But look at what you gain: peace of mind, emotional stability, the chance to break generational trauma, the opportunity to build healthy relationships without interference or unhealthy conflict, and most importantly, the space to become who you were always meant to be.
While there’s no funeral for this kind of loss, there is a rebirth. Each day you maintain your boundaries is a day you choose yourself. Each holiday you spend in peace rather than anxiety is a gift you’ve given yourself. You’re not just surviving anymore—you’re creating a life where you can actually thrive.
Here’s what nobody tells you, but should: choosing to go no contact isn’t just a single decision—it’s an ongoing act of self-love and courage. Every birthday, every holiday, every life milestone becomes a moment where you actively choose your own wellbeing. And while that might never feel easy, it absolutely gets easier.
Your doubt doesn’t invalidate your decision—it validates your humanity. The fact that this choice was difficult proves you didn’t make it lightly. You tried. You hoped. You gave chances. And ultimately, you were brave enough to acknowledge when enough was enough.
Remember this: choosing your own wellbeing isn’t selfish—it’s sacred. You’re not just walking away from toxicity; you’re walking towards the life you deserve. While the decision to go no contact might never feel easy, know that it’s not just okay—it’s often the most profound act of self-respect you can show yourself.
You made the right choice. And making that choice wasn’t weakness—it was incredible strength.
