Growing up with a narcissistic parent can make it feel impossible to recognise when you’re being love bombed. You might not even realise what’s happening, because when you’ve spent your life yearning for any sign of affection, it’s easy to mistake intense attention for genuine care. But what exactly is love bombing, and why is it so hard to see through when you’ve been raised by a narcissist?
Love bombing is when someone floods you with affection, praise, gifts, and attention all at once. It can feel incredible at first – who wouldn’t enjoy being made to feel special? But there’s often an ulterior motive behind it. Love bombing is a tactic used by narcissists and other manipulative people to draw you in, keep you close, and ultimately gain control over you. Physical examples can include lavish gifts and grand public displays of affection, but pay attention to their words too; excessive flattery and compliments, and pushing you to move faster in a relationship than you’re comfortable with by convincing you they you’re “soulmates”.
If you’ve grown up with a narcissistic parent, you’ve likely experienced a pattern of emotional abuse and neglect. Narcissistic parents often withhold love and affection, giving it only when it serves their purposes. This leaves you feeling starved for attention, and when you do receive it, it feels like a rare treat. This dynamic can make it incredibly difficult to see love bombing for what it is. You may have heard us describe this in the podcast as when you have spent your life starved of any affection, you’ll think breadcrumbs are incredible, even though you deserve so much more.
When love and affection have been conditional your entire life, any show of attention can feel like a sign that someone truly cares. You might not have learned what healthy, consistent love looks like because your parent’s love was only given when they wanted something in return or when they needed to maintain control. Because of this, the intense affection that comes with love bombing can feel like the real deal, even when it’s not.
Another challenge is that narcissistic parents often train their children to doubt their own perceptions and feelings. This takes a number of forms, such as gaslighting and dismissal to passive aggressive behaviour. This means that when you do start to feel uneasy about the overwhelming attention someone is giving you, you might second-guess yourself, thinking you’re just being paranoid or ungrateful. This self-doubt, also known as self-gaslighting, can prevent you from recognising love bombing and ignoring red flags, leaving you vulnerable to further manipulation.
So, how can you tell if someone’s love and attention are genuine or if they’re love bombing you? Here are a few signs to watch out for:
Recognising love bombing can be immensely difficult, particularly if you’ve grown up with a narcissistic parent who made you feel starved for affection. You may have been conditioned to accept any attention as love, making it hard to see when someone is manipulating you. It’s not your fault, but you can look our for these signs – like over-the-top attention, inconsistent behaviour, and feeling pressured – and you can protect yourself. Forget the flowers and fancy dinners – genuine love isn’t about grand gestures or making you feel indebted; it’s about consistency, respect, and care without hidden motives.
